The Forgiveness Journey and Being a Christian

This past weekend, I had an unwanted conversation with my ex-father-in-law. It was honestly more like an ambush if I’m being honest LOL. He is an elder at the church we used to attend.  He stood before me trying to justify his son, having affairs, and continuing to be with the same girl he cheated on me and our kids with for the last 4+ years. He insisted that there was nothing wrong with letting the affair partner from the last 4 years into their home. Let me assure you…there is ZERO justification for anyone having an affair regardless of how bad your marriage may seem. And when you have had a daughter-in-law for 22 years, and 2 grandkids from her and your son…you probably shouldn’t support having the affair partner in your home and justify it to her or her children. Just sayin’. He informed me that I needed to forgive my ex and move forward, and past what had been done. He then said…”so have you, forgiven him?”  To which I responded, “No! I haven’t. Absolutely not!!”.  He said, “And you call yourself a Christian?”

Let me be clear.  Anyone who questions your Christianity or the path you are on probably isn’t concerned at all about your Christianity.  I am a Christian.  My relationship with God is better than ever based on everything I’ve been through.  To tell me that because I haven’t yet forgiven my ex for 23+ years of abuse as well as multiple affairs throughout our marriage, I’m “obviously not a Christian.”  This person who claims to be a Christian and is an elder in a church shouldn’t be judging my journey to forgiveness.  Because forgiveness in something as complex as what I’ve endured is indeed a journey.

Forgiveness is a fundamental aspect of Christian teachings. Jesus emphasized the importance of forgiveness in his teachings and demonstrated it through his actions, even forgiving those who crucified him. In the Lord’s Prayer, Jesus instructs his followers to pray, “Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors” (Matthew 6:12).

However, forgiveness can be a complex and challenging process for many individuals, including Christians. It is essential to understand that forgiveness does not mean condoning or forgetting the wrongdoing. Instead, it involves letting go of resentment, anger, and the desire for revenge, and offering compassion and mercy to the person who has wronged you.

If a Christian struggles with forgiving someone, it may be due to various reasons. They may be experiencing deep pain, struggling with the process of healing, or finding it difficult to reconcile their feelings with their faith. It is important to approach such situations with empathy and understanding.

In these cases, it is helpful for Christians to seek guidance and support from their faith community, such as a pastor, priest, or trusted fellow believers. They can provide counsel, prayer, and backing as the individual works through their emotions and seeks to cultivate a heart of forgiveness.

It is also worth noting that forgiveness is a journey, and it may take time and effort. Christians are called to forgive as they have been forgiven by God (Ephesians 4:32). By reflecting on the mercy and forgiveness they have received from God, Christians can find the strength and motivation to extend forgiveness to others.

However, it is important to acknowledge that forgiveness is a personal decision, and individuals may need to process their emotions, seek healing, or establish healthy boundaries before they are ready to extend forgiveness. Each person’s journey is unique, and it is not productive to impose unrealistic expectations or judgments on others.

Ultimately, Christians are encouraged to strive for forgiveness, understanding its transformative power in their own lives and relationships. It is a process that requires grace, patience, and reliance on God’s guidance and strength.  And if your forgiveness is a journey, that doesn’t make you less of a Christian.  You know your walk with God, and that is between You + God and no one else.