No Trophy Wife

Trophy Wife is a term that is used frequently in today’s society. But are you aware of what the definition of a Trophy Wife is? Essentially a Trophy Wife is a piece of “arm candy” to make some old man “look good”. They are typically unintelligent, gold diggers whose sole purpose is to hype their man.  

My spouse of 22 years told me he deserved to have a Trophy Wife by his side, (of course he had multiple affairs along the way, always looking for the next best thing).  He said he needed someone that complimented him and how well he had aged.

{I’m sure you’re thinking…what?!  But yes, approx a week after divulging that he’d had numerous affairs, and was currently in one for the last 3 years, he told me this….the mother of our 2 children…that I wasn’t pretty enough to stand beside him…}

You literally can’t make this stuff up, its THAT bad.

He told me he’d found that in the 10 year younger woman he’d been having an affair with for 3 years of our marriage. I’m so happy he was able to find someone who is Trophy-Worthy (even if it isn’t first place…participation trophies are all the rage these days).

I was told that I was not a Trophy Wife and that mattered to him.  I was told he could wait for me to “get where I needed to be, as long as he saw progress taking place”.   I sat and said nothing as he went on for almost an hour about the importance of appearance and hair and makeup and clothing and fitness…  He was absolutely right.  I was NO TROPHY WIFE.  I was a wife and a mother of 2 who allowed her husband to pursue his career paths while raising our children.  I was a mom who took my kids to school and picked them up after and went to practices and events and helped with homework and projects.  I was NO TROPHY WIFE. I often wore jeans and a t-shirt and while I wore makeup most days, it was rarely glamorous, and I often had my hair up because of my busyness cleaning and doing things with and for the kids or making dinner or taking care of our dogs or a million other things a wife and mom do.  I was NO TROPHY WIFE.  My focus was never on myself, and as a mother and wife, I was okay with that.  I love being a mother and I love that I’m not superficial or arrogant.  I don’t think that my waist size defines who I am as a person.  I don’t think that fake boobs or hair extensions are going to add to my worth or value as a person, wife, mother, or anything else.

I was NO TROPHY WIFE, and I am so proud of that fact. I never was, and never will be someone else’s arm candy.  I’m not someone in search of a man to provide for me, nor do I think that I should be expected to maintain a specific image for my spouse or partner.  Everyone should be loved for who they are.  Seems simple, and basic…but every single person is unique and we are all beautiful.  Nothing plastic is going to make me more valuable.  I’m not gonna lie…when he said this, I immediately started looking into lipo, botox and tummy tucks.  The more I looked, the more disgusted I became.  I was never going to be a small little blonde barbie, I’m a curvy brunette and the mother of 2 and 3 miscarriages.  My body has been through a lot.   But the more I struggled with his words about my appearance, the more I realized that I wasn’t the one who had an issue with myself. I was and am comfortable in my own skin.  I love who I am as a person inside and out.  I love that I get to be a wonderful mom to two of the most amazing kids.  And when I finally left the insanity that was an abusive 22 year marriage, I was able to find someone who sees ME.  Like, actually sees me for who I am, not what I could be or not who they want me to be.  

I’m sure there are others who have been in or are currently in similar situations.  There are men who get the wife they want to be the mother of their children and then decide they “deserve” a plastic barbie to play with after.  The arrogance is astonishing to me still, even 2 years later.  I want women to know that they are beautiful regardless of how much botox and silicone they have inserted into their body.  Despite their waist size, breast size, hair color, extensions, fake lashes, fake nails…If women choose to do these things for themselves, fabulous!  But if you are trying to cater to a man who thinks he “deserves” to have a piece of arm candy hanging off him…move along.  There are billions of men in the world, and that one…will always be looking for the next best thing.

And come on, we gotta show a quick pic of the current “Trophy” who will go on the shelf with all the others….She posted this pic while in Vegas with my now ex.  While having a several year affair with my then husband, while she was also married, she told him she couldn’t wait to be his Trophy Wife.  She couldn’t wait to be in public on his arm.  If your goals are to be nothing more than someone else’s arm piece, you may want to revisit your purpose and place in life….just sayin’.