Holidays + Narcissists

We had a wonderful, uneventful Christmas this year. The kids and I celebrated the holiday with family, friends, and significant others. This year, the kids chose not to celebrate Christmas with their father. After almost a year of not speaking to or responding to his texts, they decided that neither wanted to be around him and wouldn’t see him for Christmas. 

At Midnight, their father messaged them Merry Christmas. Then, he never once reached out to them the entire day. He celebrated with his AP and family and pretty much pretended they didn’t exist, as has become standard with him. My thing is, as the child, it is their right to decide how they handle their narcissistic, psychopathic father. But as a father, you are STILL a father and should act as such. 

Our son blocked him a month ago, so he no longer receives his messages. Today, he messaged our daughter, who is 20, asking if they wanted him to come over to open presents. When there was no response, he called. Then he texted again, asking why they were ignoring him…

Has anyone else dealt with this level of denial and overall insanity? I can’t understand why he thinks they would want to hang out with him when they haven’t responded to his texts in almost a year and never take his calls or see him. He acts as though nothing is wrong and pretends it would be normal for him to pop over. 

I emailed him explaining that they do not wish to see him, and he accused me of “emotionally abusing” our children and “using them as pawns for my own agenda.”

These are all things HE has done, and I have stated to him over the years. He is projecting the exact words onto me to evoke some control or emotion; I’m not sure. But my kids and I have been through enough therapy at this point to see it for what it is. For 22+ years, that type of stuff would work on me. I would’ve questioned everything about myself, my intentions, and if I had done something wrong. 

I can’t state enough how manipulative narcissists are. They will do anything to project blame onto others rather than accept responsibility for who they are. They surround themselves with little flying monkeys who believe their every word and pity them, seeing them as the victims in the existing chaos. It is ridiculous to finally stand outside and see the mastermind behind the games my ex plays.  

As my dad said, “Pay no mind to the little man behind the curtain.” It’s a Wizard of Oz reference for those who may not get it, but it’s so true. He’s at his little control board, pushing buttons and creating lies to rewrite his version of history and create a narrative that casts darkness on others and a hero light on himself.

I look forward to the day when I no longer have to see his texts or messages. When he is no longer a part of my life, but for now, my son is still 17, and that isn’t possible. But in 2 more months, I will be free of his insanity. 

Despite his attempts to ruin things, it has been a wonderful time of the year. I’m so thankful for the birth of Jesus, a season of giving, and being surrounded by those I love and love me in return. I hope your Holidays were beautiful too!