Weight of Truth

I’ve been quiet on here for a while. Not because I haven’t had anything to say—trust me, I have plenty. But because the weight of it all has been a lot to carry. I thought leaving would be the end of the nightmare. That once I walked away, the shadows would stay behind me. I was wrong.

Even after all this time, my ex is still finding ways to insert himself into my life, still trying to control, manipulate, and make me miserable. He harassed me at my last job—just another attempt to make sure I could never fully move on. And as if the years of abuse weren’t enough, I’m still tied to him through the courts(charging me with Parental Alienation, when our kids are almost 19 and 21), dealing with a legal system that moves painfully slow, while he continues to play his games…its absurd LOL.

And then, as if I needed more proof of the kind of person he is, I’ve learned things about his past that make my skin crawl. Things he did when he was just a teenager—proof that he’s always been this way. Proof that the red flags weren’t just something he developed over time, but that they were always there. Hidden behind charm. Behind lies. Behind the masks he wore so well.

It’s infuriating. It’s exhausting. But mostly, it’s heartbreaking. Not for him—he doesn’t deserve sympathy. But for the person I was, the one who didn’t know any better. The one who gave him the benefit of the doubt, who believed the best in him when there was none to be found.

Healing isn’t a straight path. I keep thinking I’m past it, that I’ve pulled every last weed he planted in my mind. And then something else comes up. Another reminder of what I survived. Another moment that makes me question how I ever ended up here in the first place.

But here’s the difference between now and then: I know the truth. And no matter how much he tries to twist it, no matter what he does to drag me down, I won’t let him win.

I am free.
I am healing.
And I will never be silent.