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I’d Rather Be Beaten
I’d rather be beaten. I know that must sound like the craziest statement ever, but hear me out. When people hear the word abuse, they expect to see bruises, cuts, swollen places, broken bones, anything that is VISIBLE. Abuse is not always VISIBLE. Sometimes, abuse comes in the form of mental, emotional, and psychological abuse. When this type of abuse occurs, it isn’t always obvious to others, or even the victim, what is happening. The destruction that occurs manifests in the form of sadness, depression, anxiety, craziness, lashing out, drastic mood swings, chronic fatigue, depleted immunity, weight gain or loss, isolation, memory loss, brain fog…the list goes on and on. It took…
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Holidays + Narcissists
We had a wonderful, uneventful Christmas this year. The kids and I celebrated the holiday with family, friends, and significant others. This year, the kids chose not to celebrate Christmas with their father. After almost a year of not speaking to or responding to his texts, they decided that neither wanted to be around him and wouldn’t see him for Christmas. At Midnight, their father messaged them Merry Christmas. Then, he never once reached out to them the entire day. He celebrated with his AP and family and pretty much pretended they didn’t exist, as has become standard with him. My thing is, as the child, it is their…
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Continue
There are still days that I question why I’ve had to endure everything that I have. Why was I abused for as long as I was before finally seeking and finding freedom? Why am I still not totally free of the monster, my ex? Why do I still have to deal with so many things, feeling like I can’t catch a break? Ever. And why are the burdens and stresses around me so heavy sometimes that I feel that I can’t breathe? And then, I will see a post, quote, or something that reminds me. I wasn’t put through what I was because I’m less of a person. I don’t…
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Control
I assumed that after divorce, the control and manipulation and toxicity with my ex would end. I think the important thing I want to share with those who may be in mentally, emotionally, and psychologically abusive situations is that you must go no contact. Now, we have two children, 17 and 20. I have 4 months left of having to share certain info regarding our 17 year old. However, I have him blocked on everything. I have told him to only reach out if there is an emergency. The kids live with me and honestly, there is no reason for him to contact me. He is desperate for the control…
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If Only I’d Known A Journal Could Hold So Much Power + Wisdom
I wish I had known 23 years ago, the power that a journal could have in helping me understand what was being done to me.
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Deer in Headlights
Don't be a Deer In Headlights. When you see red flags blazing, you need to RUN!
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The Forgiveness Journey and Being a Christian
Your journey to forgiveness is yours alone. No one has any right to judge where you are or to question your Christianity based on your current place.
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You Are Not The “New” Me
It has taken me such a long time to regain some semblance of who I am. I love myself. I love the person I have become coming out of such a horrific situation. I literally lost half of my life with an abusive narcissistic psychopath. He brought me to my absoulte lowest and while I lay there suffering…he allowed his affair partner to kick me repeatedly with details of their 4+ year affair. She shared screenshots of snapchat messages between them, places they f*cked, how they’d be f*cking while I’d be messaging him wondering why he was so late coming home. How she videoed herself making out with her roomate…
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I Was Soaring To Freedom
When my mediation approached, I was soaring to freedom. I could feel the freedom running through my veins and filling my soul. After 23 years of abuse, I was finally going to be free.
